Resident EvilWTF
by LadyKatia74
Summary: As a writer set to cure her boredum, LadyKatia74 sets up a park with zombies, memories, resident evil characters, and a plot that makes absolutely no sense. Wesker has teamed up with her to crush his enemies. Will they prevail?


_A Day In The Park_

"What say you then peasant!" A man in the park screamed. "What the fuck is wrong with you! Get outta here!" A man selling snowcones yelled angrily. "This world is going to hell isn't it" The vendor sighed. It was worse than he could ever imagine. Sure there were idiots running around everywhere, but what day wasn't like that anywhere in America. No, he had much bigger problems.

What had tipped him off that he was in trouble? Maybe it was the grey clouds and stormy silence. Maybe it was the weird feeling he had in his gut. Or maybe it was the fact that the whole town was now screaming and crashing every possible vehicle into things while being devoured by grotesct zombies. The vendor sighed and took off his clothes. Don't worry. He wasn't going to streak......yet. No he had his normal clothes under it. Dark brown hair, muscular features, a little bit of a 5 'o' clock shadow, a S.T.A.R.S vest and a very big combat knife. Chris was back.

Chris kicked the nasty slobering bastards in the face._ "Why am I trying to save this shit hole anyway?" _He questioned himself. Chris was in a very bad mood. Probably grouchy because he didn't get his mcgriddle this morning. He was too busy playing the role as a snowcone vendor in the park. He walked about seeing what else happend to be set ablaze. more idiots came screaming to the park hidding in trees and babbling nonesense. "Annie get yer gun! The snow patrol is here!" A woman yelled to her dog. "Green douchebags have invaded! Our souls are sure to be colored! Skip! skip to my lou!" Another man shouted running away. "What the fuck happend to these people? They're worse than Berry..." Chris muttered. Just then Chris's cell phone went off with a _"baby baby baby oooohhh like baby baby baby noooo like baby baby baby oooohhh thought you'd always bee miiine yeah"_. _"Oh crap! I hope no one heard that....can't go wrong with Justin Bieber"_ Chris thought to himself. As Chris was looking like a douche bag in front of everyone who was going insane, another tree was set ablaze randomly. It fell to the ground right behind Chris. "yeah? yeah...uh-huh.....yeah I'm there....no no....no just....ugh no...just-....Let me fucking talk woman!" Chris yelled into the phone. He looked around to check if anyone had seen it, then remembered it didn't matter because everyone was mad with insanity. "Ok so yeah I'm in this hellhole....yeah everythings catching fire....yeah I'm flamable, why do you ask?........yeaaaah no. The people seem to have lost all intelligence...." Chris answered to the voice on the phone.

"Oh you made me think you were one-of-a-kind Chris" A woman with short blonde hair interjected shutting her pink bedazzled cell phone. "Jill! Jilly-kins! My Jill!!!!" Chris yelled excited and pounced on her. "ok yeah thats enough get off of me now" Jill said shoving the overexcited man off her body. Jill sighed and pulled out her gun. "What are you doing here?" Chris asked enthusiasticly. Its as if he were a puppy greeting its master with a loving bark and a wagging tail. "You know we're in the same department right?" Jill said sighing. "You didn't have your mcgriddle this morning did you?" She questioned him as he grimaced. "Don't remind me....." Chris said seriously. That always scared Jill. He missed one meal and suddenly he was this serious cyborg who could tear down an entire building and still have time to catch his favorite cartoon. Chris turned to Jill smiling and gave her a great bear hug. "Yes yes, I know we haven't been assigned a mission in a while yeah I missed you too now get off of me.....Just don't start humping my leg please" Jill said irritated with Chris's antics.

Another tree spontaneously combusted and fell a few feet from the team mates. "Dear God it's worse than I thought! The Americans have practicaly de-evolved from the current states to a lower level of intelligence! It's just like going to public school all over again!" Jill deducted. "Feliz navidad! May the 67 bless you and trace your knee pads with your mother!" A man yelled from the lake. "I think that was kind of offensive" Chris said frowning. "You don't even know what the hell he said!" Jill shouted angrily. Chris gave her the puppy dog look. "Fine....it was veeeery rude....happy?" She sneered. Chris nodded his head quickly and smiled.

A vast mob of bloody gruesom zombies finally started making their way to the park. "Here we go. This is the exact thing I need. Ass-kicking time" Jill stated to the open air. Chris snarled at the ever approaching mob. "down boy" Jill comanded. "That's what she said" Somone giggled in the distance. "Wait that actually made sense....Who said that?" Jill said looking around confused as Chris continued to snarl angrily. She turned to see a brown haired girl in a black shirt and a pink vest and jeans snickering at the perverse joke she had just made. It was her team mate's sister, Claire. How the hell she had gotten there Jill would never know until Claire came up and explained everything in the next 5 minutes. She had been vacationing looking for Steve. He had run off yet again. "What was he pretending to be this time?" Jill asked. "A butterfly. Last week he was a Panda. I had followed the small trail of flower petals he had left. He has this weird impression that butterflies eat the actual flower" Claire explained. Jill shook her head in disappointment. "Men" She grumbled.

"Tell me about it. Just the other day-" Claire was cut off mid sentence. "watch out!" Jill yelled. She aimed her gun and shot a zombie straight in the head as it was in mid-pounce. It fell lifelessly to the ground. Ironic for an already dead creature. Claire pulled out her shot gun. "Where the hell did you pick that up?" Jill asked surprised. "I think it was some store owners or something. He threw it out of the window this time"

"What do you mean this time?"

"Well last time he was devoured when I walked back in"

"What the hell are you blathering on about? Let's hope you aren't becoming like the residents of this town"

"Nevermind....Leon should be here in the next few minutes"

"Oh whooopdeedoo...exactly what we need. A blond idiot who throws granades at everything. He's a fucking pyro I swear" Jill muttered.

"You watch your language Jill Valentine!" Claire said offended. Jill rolled her eyes and shot another zombie in the face this time. Claire Shot it dead in the head. Double tap. Chris had made his way over to a burning tree. He really had to use the bathroom and the lake wasn't helping. He jumpped up and down but unzipped his pants and leaked the yellow wasted from his...*ahem*.... Before he could finish up a male zombie who was dressed fabulously came over staring at him hungrily. Chris looked over with wide eyes. The zombie wasn't staring at his face directly but at the male appendage in charge of the thinking for most males. "Oh snapz its a gay zombie!" Chris yelled. "one two three esplode!" Shouted a voice in the distance. Chris turned around with his *ahem* still hanging out of his pants. Leon came bounding with a granade. He starred in shock at Chris and dropped the granade right by his feet. Chris began to freak out and yell at Leon. They were both jumping up and down and pointing at each other trying to warn each other about either impending doom or something just plain stupid and disturbing. They both looked down at the same time. Chris quickly zipped his pants back up and ran to tackle Leon. They landed a few feet from the explosion that came next. That gay zombie was done for.

"Protecting the world one gay zombie at a time!" Leon said accomplished and gave Chris a thumbs up. "What's that supposed to mean?" Claire came bounding up to the guys with Jill. "Whatchoo mean?" Leon asked confused. "The thing about gay zombies" Claire pointed out. "Gay zombies are the worst" Leon explained. "What the fuck? ummmm I wouldn't say anything bad about gay people..." Claire said afraid. "Why?" They all asked in unison. "Because the writer of this fanfic is for gay marriage because her brother is gay" Said yet ANOTHER voice. "ADA WAIT!" Leon screamed happily.

"How does that even work?" Jill asked. "Well to begin with, you know wesker? of course you do. He was tired of losing to us so he teamed up with one of the most unstoppable people here.....The writer!" Ada explained. "Then how the hell are we still alive?" Jill asked confused as Chris humped her leg and Leon hugged Ada. "See the writer really loves a good fanfiction and is enthralled by suspense but had no clue what to do for a plot line so she just made up something that made absolutely no sense" "Does this have anything to do with the people running around babbling nonesense?" Claire asked. "Surprisingly no...That's Wesker's part of the deal. He said He could make her story more entertaining if she helped him" Ada continued. "by making people act like raging idiots?" Jill asked incredulously. "Yeah kinda weird. He had been working with another virus in his lab. He had taken sample of stupidity from teenagers in the public school system....He had to dress up in this nurse outfit and-" "I'd rahter not hear about that" Jill interrupted.

Chris went over to sniff Leon but Leon hissed defensively and clawed at Chris. "So yeah This is Weskers fault" Ada said. "Yeah Wesker....that sexy beast" Claire said uncharacteristicly. (Somewhere in the distance you know I'm giggling...you can just sense it can't you). "Oh no! It's getting worse!" Claire screamed. Leon and Chris were too busy fighting about their territories. Ada and Jill sighed in unison. "Well we have the old team...all we need is Steve." Jill said.

Just then who would show up, flapping his arms, none other than Steve himself. "I have escaped that cold enclosed space I once called home! My cacoon is empty and lifeless, as If I took all the color from its life into my beautiful wings!" Steve danced around. "Nice use of vocabulary" Jill responded shocked. Claire went to the lake to wash her mouth out from that horrible comment she had made and Jill, Ada, Chris and Leon had followed. Ada picked up a flower to lure Steve over to where they were. Chris stood up and snarled but was bopped over the head by Jill. Leon snickered but Ada quickly removed her shoe like the ninja she was and hit Leon upside the head as well. They both whined but payed attention. Steve "fluttered" over to the flower Ada had picked and put in Claire's hair. "Oh there you are Steve!" Claire said excitedly and hugged Steve. "Hey why is he the only one that gets affection from the female heroine?" Chris asked jealous. "Cuz he's a butterfly" Leon smiled. Ada rolled her eyes. Well now that we're all gathered here What are we supposed to-

They were cut off just then by the writer who didn't have a creative cliffhanger to use. She laughed manicly at the ending and said come back next week for the next edition? This is going in circles and making no sense.......


End file.
